I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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