Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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