Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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