the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
