Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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