Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
