went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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