apparently the secret to your success is patron
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
