I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't think brook has ever known best
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
