i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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