Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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