Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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