i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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