i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
