After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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