everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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