ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
