I think i peed on brittanys purse
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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