There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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