Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
this boner is exhausting
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
