She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize