I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
