Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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