Come see our sink grown plant.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
