iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
