Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
