Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
