I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
