The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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