I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Rumble strips road head = magical
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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