Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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