You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
