I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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