I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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