I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
