Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
