i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
