In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He shit in the fireplace
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
