I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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