You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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