This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hippo gnu deer
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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