he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize