you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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