U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Found your dick twin last night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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