god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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