I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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