Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
