you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
