at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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