i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
