i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
