I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
