I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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