...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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