my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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