Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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