my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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