suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
