he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
