just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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