when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
