shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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