he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize