Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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