If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
