Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
