I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
