This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
