Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
