I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize