Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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