I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
