so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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