Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
