You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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