im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
