dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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