I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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