i think my tv is drunk
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
