So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
