shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
sex in a hospital.. check
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize