just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
