Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
