and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
