I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
