i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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