I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
