We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
