I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
