yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
