Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize