Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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