I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
