i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
