1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
