note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize