i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
