after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
