Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
