there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
