my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
