She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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