i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
